Well, it’s been quite a while since I wrote, and I figure if I wish to continue this here expository crawl, I had best start back sometime. I have most of the days since I last wrote lined out, as far as where I meant to go with the exposition. But, let’s face it, as for The Quest, I fell on my face! But, I do hope to write here some more, so here’s an update!
3 If I give away all I have, and if I deliver up my body to be burned, but have not love, I gain nothing.
4 Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant 5 or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; 6 it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. 7 Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.
1 Corinthians 13:3-7
I think by now, all of my original goals – all the things I meant to do or not do from last year’s birthday till the one later this year – are each a big goose egg. So, as for an update, I failed, dear reader. But, not everything has been a loss. In the brief interval since I last wrote, I learned a lot about time, priorities, and the requirements of fatherhood. This has all meant the serious need for a shift in my focus. I will try to explain without boring you with too much personal detail.
The goodish?
I had been up early each morning pursuing the scriptures, and basically using this site to keep my morning studies written down. And, I know there is nothing wrong with doing so. However, I have four adolescent children, and their schedules have them up and busy long after dark. Since I wanted to keep this writing going, I was usually going to bed two, three, even four hours before they did each evening. In a very real way, I was giving up – denying even – time spent with them so that I could have time to myself in the early morning. The exact same thing is true for time spent with my wife.
The bad
In my desire to complete some bucket list goals, I was spending multiple hours a day on my own, running down the trail. I was really not intentionally avoiding the family. I was simply trying to push myself and train this old man body. But, again, each day after 2-3 hours of time in the morning alone with the Word and the Lord, I was spending a couple hours listening to a book while I jogged down a trail. The kids and the wife were home doing their own things.
The ugly
As far as abstaining from alcohol, I don’t really think avoiding that had many negatives to be noted. But, I can say that I irked a number of compadres whom I see rarely when we did get a chance to see each other after long absences. It also created a dichotomy with my spouse in which I seemed to be uninterested in dates, in conversations about anything other than what I was reading, how I was running, etc. It is actually pretty disgusting to write this. It seems, that in my pursuits of “being a better me” I was becoming increasingly more insular, self-centered. I became so worried about getting myself perfected, that I was in fact neglecting the betterment of the family.
But, not all was lost!
I have to say, in this update, I did not completely ignore the family. I did take steps to get them each involved in things like music lessons. I was reading with my youngest son every night. If you want an update on that – probably the only shining star in this whole quest – here it is: We read through all seven of C.S. Lewis’ Narnia books. Some of which, at my sons request we re-read portions. Of particular interest were the last few chapters of Prince Caspian. We also read The Hobbit, and are now reading The Fellowship of the Ring. In the Bible, we began last year in Genesis, and made it into I Kings. Then, when our Pastor began to preach on Jeremiah we jumped forward, read Lamentations, and are now reading through Jeremiah ourselves. (More on this later in the update.)
The gifts of time and family
We have only so many hours in each day. And, it was brought home to me that despite loving these people God has given me, I was not showing them love in the way I spent my time. So, one Thursday, after some particularly alarming looks in the proverbial mirror of my wife and my second son’s faces, I let everything but the nightly reading go.
What I discovered is that my time needed to be given, not to myself in discipline and study, but to them. I had thought I was “giving” my time to the Lord. Of course, it is all His anyway, and we can do Him no favors. It was God who gave me this family. While I might have honored Him in word and in the devotion of pursuing the Word, I am certain I was not honoring Him by ignoring hours of time with family in the afternoons and evenings. So, what are we doing now, anyway?
Update
My youngest two sons and I took up a martial art. We train two hours twice a week. We do a little jogging and pushups time to time as well. It’s now the three of us reading each night. I say, each night, but let’s call it, most nights. My youngest and I are taking banjo lessons together. My daughter, and sometimes my middle son are taking guitar lessons. The two youngest boys, piano. My daughter has just wrapped up many months of work on a play for her school which kept her out away most evenings for the last few months. At the same time her speech and debate season ended, my middle son’s speech and debate season began.
Our oldest has been key in all of this, as he provides transportation for this or that event while we are otherwise occupied. He, the most consistent of all of us, maintains a regular workout schedule and works with my wife and I at our place of employment. He started going to a young adults Bible study each week at our Pastor’s house as well.
The joy of late supper
Well, we are busy. That is true, but it so far seems to have made a marked improvement in the attitudes of everyone in the house. Where before it seemed we were going down a worrisome and contentious path, everyone appears jolly. There has been much more laughter in the house. We’ve had more and more evening meals together. They are late meals, to be sure. The person who began this quest would never have eaten at 8:30 p.m. – I was already in bed!
So, there’s the update. I do hope to write here a few days per week, but I shan’t be writing every day. I haven’t written in a couple months anyway, so I am sure no one was expecting that. Not sure where I will pick up at. We – my wife, oldest child, and I, are studying Desiring God by John Piper for our regular Sunday School class. I even got to facilitate the discussion when the elder who regularly leads was out of town. So, maybe I will cover the next chapter’s study questions here. Hopefully, someday, I will go back and pick up where we left off in I Peter with John Brown. We’ll see.
Until next time, dear reader! May the Lord bless you and keep you.
